S|R Monkeys

1. What is the biggest ant in the world? An elephant!
2. Why did the kid study in an airplane? He wanted a higher education!
3. Why is Alabama the smartest state in the USA? Because it has 4 A’s and one B!
4. Why do birds fly south in the winter? Because it’s too far to walk!
5. What runs but never walks? Water!
6. What kind of car does Mickey Mouse’s wife drive? A Minnie van!
7. How did Noah see the animals on the Ark at night? With flood lights!
8. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
9. what’s red and smells like blue paint? Red Paint
10. why do sea gulls live by the sea? because if they lived by the bad, they would be called bay gulls.
11. what did the picture say to the wall?? “I’VE BEEN FRAMED!!!”
12. what did the ocean say to the beach?? Nothing, i just waved
13. What did the coffee say to the police officer? I’ve been mugged
14. What do you call a dead parrot? a polygon
15. What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef, but no one can pee soup!
16. what do you call fallen coffee on the ground? ground coffee!!!
17. What is a ninja’s favorite drink? Watah!!
18. What did the wall say to the other wall? See you at the corner!
19. What did the sharpener say to the pencil? See you around
20. What do you call a man who forgets to put his underpants on ?Nicholas !
21. What do you call a man with a tree growing out of his head ?Ed-Wood !
22. What do you call a woman with a sheep on her head ?Baa-Baa-Ra !
23. What do you call a man who wears tissue paper trousers ?Russell !
24. What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head ?Sister Matic !
25. Why did the man with a pony tail go to see his doctor ?He was a little hoarse !
26. What do you call a witch flying through the skies ?Broom Hilda !
27. What did the idiot call his pet zebra ? Spot
28. What do you call a fish on the dining table ? A Plaice Mat !
29. What would you call a friend who had an elephant on his head ? A flatmate !
30. What do you call a man that drills holes in teapots ? A potholer !
31. What do you get if you cross a box of matches and a giant ? The big match !
32. What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a skyscraper ? A high jumper!
33. What do you get if you cross a road with a safari park ? Double yellow lions !
34. What do you get if you cross an artist with a policeman ? A brush with the law !
35. What do you get if you cross an overweight golfer and a pair of very tight trousers ? A hole in one !
36. What do you get if you cross an elephant and a bottle of whisky ? Trunk and disorderly !
37. What do you get if you cross a flock of sheep and a radiator ? Central bleating !
38. Why was the broom late ? It over swept !
39. Do you know the time ? No, we haven’t met yet !
40. How do you make milk shake ? Give it a good scare !
41. Whats red and flies and wobbles at the same time ? A jelly copter !
42. Waiter, this soup tastes funny ? Then why aren’t you laughing !
43. Why did the hen cross the road ? To prove she wasn’t chicken !
44. How do you stop a head cold going to your chest ? Easy – tie a knot in your neck !
45. Why shouldn’t you try to swim on a full stomach ? Because it’s easier to swim on a full swimming pool !
46. How do you know if your little brother is turning into a fridge ? See if a little light come on whenever he opens his mouth !
47. What’s the difference between a fly and a bird? A Bird can fly but a fly can’t bird.

A lady calls The doctor and says…
Lady>My baby just swallowed my pencil
Doctor>Ok I am on my way
Lady>Well what should i do till you get here
Doctor>Use a pen

How do you keep an idiot waiting?

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